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Honor. In our society I see it as a word we use to describe others; it's an adjective. Honor applies to people who are respectable, our troops, for example.

Another way the word "honor" can be used is as a verb. We don't do this often, so I was caught a little off guard one day while surfing through an online bridal forum. Among the threads proclaiming "Show us your dress!" "Mother-in-law drama!" and "Can my dog be the ring bearer?" was a notably less self-centered one: "How will you honor your groom on your wedding day?"

The original poster was from the UK, which may explain the choice of wording, but I certainly stopped to think a minute when I saw it. I diverted from whatever post I was searching for at the moment to click on this one and see what it was all about.

In our culture, and in the age of bridezillas, everything is about the bride. She is told  repeatedly "it's YOUR wedding." Vendors expect her to be the decision maker: on a recent show about wedding cakes, the bakers vented about a groom who came in to choose the cake alone. Yes, the bride is the center of it all.

I'm proud to say I am not a bridezilla, and grateful that Sean is a fiance who actually wants to be involved in the planning. I run most things by him to get his opinion before making final choices, and know I will get an honest opinion whether I like it or not. Compared to some brides, that seemed like enough.

But is that really honoring him? Certainly it's a good thing to share in the planning and to not be self-centered in a process that is ultimately about unity, but what was I doing just for him? I was embarrassed to realize that, like many brides, the answer was nothing.

Many brides would say their wedding gift takes care of this area. Maybe it does. Sean and I agreed to forgo the wedding gifts in order to get a post-wedding joint gift we desired more; a puppy. I was still left realizing I could certainly do more.

The good news is, honoring your groom doesn't have to be anything big or pricey. All it takes is a gift, action, or something incorporated into the celebration that lets him know you were thinking of him. The most common answers on the thread were surprise groom's cakes or garters personalized with his favorite sports team. Sure, an NCAA or NFL garter doesn't match the romantic vibe you envisioned for your big day, but it's a small detail that is sure to bring a smile to his face (especially if you root for another team!)

What have other brides done? If you're getting married, what ideas have you come up with?

Wow.

January was a chaotic month, but most of the chaos was due to being busy with work and getting ready to start my final semester of college. Very little of that chaos had to do with wedding planning.

But now, I'm looking at the calendar and realizing that I am getting married 4 months from TOMORROW.

Wow.

I had an 18 month engagement and always felt like I had so much time. Now I have so little time and still so much to do. Time to get a move on!

Just a few things that I really need to do asap:

-Design the invites and get them printed.  I designed my own save the dates and had them mailed, so I'm looking forward to the process. I just need time and access to the right software.

-Book hotel rooms for out of town guests. Yes, I realize this should have been done MONTHS ago. No excuses here. I did call to do this a week or so ago and my call was never returned, so I just need to remember to call again.

-Find a rehearsal dinner venue. I'm trying to help Sean's mom out by getting quotes from different places and have gotten a few. The process has been started but nothing is decided.

And of course, there's tons more. Buy an ipod, select the playlist, continue counseling sessions, buy centerpiece supplies and accessories for the dress....

I think I've got my work cut out for me.

 

 

The Christmas tree has been taken down, then the New Year rang in and I was finally able to say "I'm getting married this year!" With an 18-month engagement that began in December of 2008, it's a nice feeling. But today, January 5, marks exactly 5 months until the big day.

Where did the time go?

When Sean and I first got engaged, all married women felt the need to tell me how much time would fly. "It will be here sooner than you know," they would say. I know they meant to console my annoyance at the wait, and just to be helpful, but it was annoying. It was a track on repeat, just like the ever popular "how is the wedding planning going?"

But, I have to admit, they were right. Time has flown. It's nice to know I will soon be a married woman, but there is also the panic. A long engagement has given me time to leisurely work out many details, but there are many things left to be done, and suddenly I only have five months to complete them in. Wow.

What's Up? checklist aside for just a moment, some big things I realize need to get done ASAP:

 

Invitations.  I started designing the invites a few months ago when I designed our save-the-dates. Sean never completely agreed on any design, however and now my free trial period of the software I was using has expired. So, time to get a trial of something else, or actually consider buying invites.

Music. This will be the fun one. Sean and I tend to have very similar tastes in pretty  much every realm except music. There are a few artists in common we like, but he can't stand a lot of my favorites and vice versa. I think we've both purposely put off creating our playlist for this reason. Soon, we'll have to. I'm also meeting with ceremony musicians in the next few weeks to decide what they will play.

Cake. I've had bakers lined up since pretty much day 1. My cousin is making our cake, and a friend is making cupcakes for our informal reception. Now we just have to decide on final design and flavors.

 

And there's plenty more, stuff I don't want to think about but will need to be done. Call the reception hall and see if they have ipod hookup; decide and purchase favors; purchase bridesmaid gifts; figure out what needs to be purchased for setup/decoration for the informal reception.

All in 5 months. Well, guess I'm glad I did other little things beforehand that I won't have to think about. :)

Happy Monday! I hope you all had a peaceful, snowed in weekend, and that most of you got an extra day off today!

You all have heard me mention before how much I enjoyed last year's first ever What's Up? Weddings expo. Well, our next one is quickly approoaching - it's less than a month away!

If you're a bride, this expo in my opinion is the most convenient and enjoyable of all the local bridal shows.

It will be held at the Doubletree in Annapolis on Sunday, January 10 from 1-4 p.m. Tickets are only $8 in advance ($10 at the door)

For this, enjoy free food, giveaways, a gown fashion show, a Q&A panel with wedding experts, and of course, get to meet many local vendors to help make your big day a success. some of this year's great door prizes include his and her wedding bands from Smyth jewelers, and an engagement photo session from Gilette Portrait Arts!

For the full scoop on the show, see http://www.whatsupmag.com/weddings/wedding-features/09-12-09/2010_Annapolis_Wedding_Expo.aspx.

Hope to see you there! - Bekah

I hope everyone enjoyed the weekend. Saturday was the one-year mark for our engagement and also the six months to go mark. I wasn't too happy about the snowfall, but then I realized that it snowed last December 5 when we got engaged as well, just not as heavily, so it wasn't so bad.

Eighteen months is a long engagement so it's been hard at times to keep things in perspective; it feels like I've got forever, so I've had the time to think and think on things without actually doing them. But now, with six months to go, the excitement is setting in, and so is the realization that we've got to make sure everything is done. According to the What's Up? Weddings Checklist, here are some things that should be done or getting done right about now:

• Attend Gown Fitting: I ordered my dress over the summer, and it just arrived last month. Now that it's in and I've tried it on, the bridal boutique has told me to schedule a fitting 6-8 weeks out. I also think this is wise, as all brides hope to lose a few pounds before the big day, but we don't want to make alterations too soon, then have a fluctuation!
• Select Attire for Flower Girl and Ring Bearer: We have no ring bearer, but my cousin and I are already in talks about what her daughter, our flower girl, will wear. As she is a kid and grows insanely, I'm not in a huge rush for her to purchase right now, but I have an idea of the style I want which is important for avoiding stress when it is time to purchase.

• Negotiate rates and a block of hotel rooms for guests: Still haven't done this one. I'm a bit intimidated by it, as it's not something I've done before. I also need to refer to the guest list and make a guess of how many people would want rooms. I have a feeling many people will just stay with nearby family.
• Discuss Honeymoon Options, Consult Travel Agent for Suggestions: We booked the honeymoon recently, and just paid for the airfare last week! We've worked with a great consultant.
• Select and Order Wedding Rings: Right on time! I got Sean's in October, and he just bought mine Sunday.

There's a few more, some I've done, some I haven't, but with just six months, I'm a lot more motivated. See any issue of What's Up? Weddings for a complete pull-out checklist.

-Bekah Oester

"Don't worry, next year, you won't have to fight with Sean over ornament space," I said to Sean's younger brother as we all added ornaments to the tree on Sunday.

"That's right," his mom said, "I guess I'll have to get another box just for Sean's ornaments when we take the tree down this year."

It's weird and exciting to think that this is our last holiday season as single individuals with separate traditions. Next year, we'll be debating what kind of tree to get, when to put it up, what to put on the Thanksgiving menu, and many other little things that you don't have to think of until married. Next year, the tree we put up and decorate will be ours.

While I look forward to this, we all know that individuals all have different traditions, and merging them can be tricky: my annoyance at the absence of gravy at his family's Thanksgiving meal will be laughing matter one day, but Sean has been assured that gravy will be present at any such meal I prepare.

Easy enough. But what about the other things that seem so small but can cause such tension? Sean insists on a real tree; I grew up with an artificial one and while I don't care either way, I'd certainly accept a free fake tree instead of shell out the money for a real one. And presents! My family opens one every Christmas Eve, and the idea infuriates him. Everything is for Christmas morning, stockings included. We've bickered back and forth about what to do with not much success, but I know we're not the only ones who go through this. I also know our choice is to be selfish or to compromise, a key to a successful marriage.

So, newlyweds and happily married couples, what traditions have you conflicted with? How have you compromised to make everyone content?

Even though I blog about weddings, the thing I most look forward to in all of this is the resulting marriage. The wedding will be a fun and lovely day, but a marriage is much longer. So, it's only fair that I take the time every now and then to acknowledge some marital issues that come up, one which many couples have recently faced or will likely face this week.

Today is the end of my work week (yay!). Tomorrow afternoon, Sean and I drive down to Roanoke to spend Thanksgiving with his dad and family. But what about my mom and family? What about Sean's mom and family? My family is in northern Virginia, Sean's dad in Roanoke, and his mom and family in the Annapolis area. How do you decide with whom to spend the holidays without hurting any feelings?

Some people are fortunate to have all family members in one area. Others don't even need to worry because with such long driving distances, some families don't get hurt feelings if someone doesn't make every holiday. But, in cases like ours, all our families are within a reasonable distance, so arrangements need to be thought out and made.

For the past few years, Sean and I have literally split Thanksgiving day itself, spending half the day (and night before) with one family, and driving to spend the other half with the other family. It's a little tiring, but given the drive is only an hour, it's worked out nicely. When Christmas rolls along, one family gets Christmas eve, the other, Christmas day (and we've split Christmas day a few times too).

What makes any arrangement work is planning. Yes, it's frustrating, and yes, you don't want to step on any toes, but the best thing to do, is find out the plans of your relatives and how your schedule will best fit with theirs. Let them know in advance when you are coming and leaving so they know to expect you and  to not be surprised if you cut out before dessert. Preparation eliminates stress for everyone, so the holidays can be enjoyed.

For example, this Thanksgiving isn't getting shared since Roanoke is about a 4 hour drive from here. Because of the distance, the other relatives understand and are OK with the fact (and it doesn't hurt that Sean and I visited my family last weekend!). As for Christmas, my family normally gets Christmas eve and the early morning, but because his mom's side has people out of town this Christmas day, we're reversing our usual schedule, but everyone knows of the plans, so worries are minimized.

I don't consider myself a trendy person. I don't follow fashion or fads. That doesn't mean I'm sloppy or outdated. My personal style is what my mom refers to as "simple but elegant." I prefer classic and simple most of the time. While this isn't necessarily "cool," it's me.

This mentality follows me from my closet, to my living space, to the planning of our wedding. My dress is simple, but it isn't plain. My floral arrangements consist of two types of flowers, two colors, and little fuss. My shoes, jewelry, and accessories will all be, in my opinion, gorgeous...but not over-the-top. I like that. I like knowing that 20 years from now, I won't be looking at my photos thinking "Why on earth did I wear black lipstick and army boots on my wedding day?" It's good to be unique, but it can be done in a classic way.

So here's the problem, and it's something that annoys me, wedding or not: what happens when a favorite style is suddenly a front-and-center trend? I'd rather keep my interests to myself than look trendy.

This is happening with an important focal piece of every wedding: the cake. Toppers were a norm forever, but I wouldn't call them a "trend" as much as a staple. It never bothered me either, since there are so many to choose from. As a kid, my mom decorated cakes as a hobby, and whenever she went to a Wilton store, I would look at them all, dreaming of which one I would choose for my special day.

Well, of course, my taste is quite different now from what it was then, and I found I wasn't crazy for any particular topper. I'd seen a couple cakes with flowers or ribbons, and thought I'd go that route. It's simple, pretty, and you don't have to worry about a topper sitting around the house as an awkward knick knack for years to come. A cake with flowers wouldn't be "different," as it's been done before, but it can be done with a variety of flowers, colors, and shapes. It could be personally mine.

But now, bridal media is gushing about the “hot new trend” of flowers on cakes. Not a label I wanted to hear. Can I follow the trend without looking like another trendy follower, or is there enough diversity in selection to keep the cake uniquely mine? - Bekah Oester

 

One of the bigger things I don't yet have nailed down for the reception is music. A friend graciously offered her piano talents for the ceremony, which is wonderful and takes a lot of stress away, but I still need to think about reception music.

A trend I've been hearing and reading a lot about lately is the iPod wedding. I really like the idea, though I've never attended one before to see how well it can be pulled off. I see a lot of benefits, but have some concerns, too. A few factors weighing in on my mind are:

-Cheaper?: An iPod nano runs around $150. (I have a shuffle and Sean doesn't have one at all, so we'd purchase a new one) A DJ runs....well, a lot more than that. Plus, at the end of the night, the iPod is ours! The only other question of expense would be the speakers/sound system we play it through. Do we rent speakers? Would the overall cost of all equipment still be less than a DJ? I guess that's a venue/rental question.

-Avoidance of the awkward songs: the chicken dance? We are family? Ehhh... not so much my speed, but I think there's a rule somewhere in the DJ code that some songs MUST be played, regardless of the event. A family friend who has DJ'd as a hobby in the past mentioned that some songs are necessary evils to get the older generation onto the dance floor so that everyone can participate, but there has to be another way. Sean and I can choose songs to fit our tastes and 86 some of the cliché ones that seem to haunt every other DJ'd event.

-Who Mans the Playlist?: From what I've read, for an iPod wedding, different playlists are put together: one for dining, one for dancing, etc. But who would be responsible for these transitions and any announcements? We wouldn't want to put a guest to work, though I guess the push of a button isn't too much to ask of a wedding party or family member.

 

Have you had an iPod wedding or attended one? I'd love to hear your thoughts on why you chose it, how you did it, and how you felt it went! -Bekah Oester

 

So last week I was pondering how much more I would have to blog about - a lot of planning is done, and I don't want to get redundant. Besides, there are spurts where I get lots done, and times when not much gets done at all. I think I'm nearing the end of a "getting lots done" spurt.

But, of course, there's always something, and a couple received phone calls got the wheels in my head turning again: I've been going through the planning motions for awhile, but the fact that I'm actually getting married hasn't completely hit me yet. Sean and I dated nearly 4 years before we got engaged and the engagement itself is a lengthy year and a half....enough time that I haven't rushed and have sometimes felt hopeless that it will never come. I plan, and I'm thrilled to be marrying him, but the reality hasn't completely set in. How many brides have or have had a similar experience? When did it set in for you?

 

The good news is, little by little, as time is creeping closer, it's starting to set in. I got a call from the bridal shop yesterday letting me know my dress has arrived. My mom will come up with me to get it next week, which should be a nice moment. Mom also called me last week after attending a bridal shower for a peer back in Virginia to tell me that a woman from my home church there has offered to throw mine in the spring. Obviously I knew these things would happen, but now that plans are solidifying, it's a lot more realistic then when they just hung in oblivion in the "to do later" pile.

214 days until I'm Bekah Walsh! - Bekah Oester

 

I am happy to say that my save-the-date cards have officially been mailed! It was quite a steal as well. I designed the cards, which Sean's boss graciously offered to print free for us. The total cost for mailing everything? $28 in stamps. Leaves room in the budget for bigger and better things, which could be good, since I'm already feeling the pressure.

You brides know what pressure I'm talking about....the inclusive/exclusive guest list pressure. No, nobody is bugging me. So far, I haven't gotten any "why didn't I get a card?"  phone calls, but I'm still stressing the fact that our formal reception is budgeted for 125 people but 144 HAD to be included. Sean's got a big family, and I feel that anyone who travels from out of town should have an invite by default. But 125 spots filled up quickly. So, what's a not-so-affluent bride to do? It seems so easy when you read the bridal magazines that give you the tough love version of who to cut, until it's your wedding. These are people you know and see all the time. How do you just cut them?

Our two-reception structure is still a go, and our  local friends understand the financial burden and are happy just to be a part of the day. But then, there's others. What about the high school friends who moved out of state and even though you don't see them so often, they're paying the air and hotel fees to support you? Obviously I'd love to include everyone, but we know money doesn't grow on trees.

So, what to do? Find additional revenue to include more people? Hope that some of the mandatory A-list people respond no? Or feel like the harsh lady who says "please understand that weddings are pricey and we don't want to exclude anyone but we have to"? How have other brides dealt with this? Is it likely I'll get enough "no's" to free up some space, or should I find a way to afford some extra heads in the reception?

Despite feeling that I haven't been productive enough in my planning due to school keeping me busy, I had another great weekend.

I visited Annapolis mall on Friday to pick up some tickets for a movie later in the evening, and while shopping, noticed there were multiple extra vendor tables set up in various places. Some sort of home expo was taking place that weekend, and it was a win for me! At one table, I saw an adorable pearl and crystal jewelry set and instantly thought of my flower girl (my cousin's 6-year-old daughter). The woman caught me browsing and informed me that all merchandise on the table was half off. Well, a cute gift at a great price? SOLD.

I also FINALLY got my save-the-date cards off to the printer's. I designed them myself months ago, but waited because I had designed them with the flowers I wanted (plumerias) but found out I couldn't get in the area :(. So, I redesigned them with gerbera daisies, and finally tackled the dreaded task of sitting down and typing in all the names/addresses on the guest list. So, cards should be in the mail by this weekend, a huge relief.

Anyway, the point is, doing little things here and there is a great way to avoid lots of stress closer to the wedding. I don't feel like a lot of what I'm doing is a big deal, but doing lots of these little things like getting flower girl jewelry now, makes a lot less for me to do later. I'm sure the checklist for doing some of these things says I don't need to for a few more months, but when I get there, I'll be glad there's one less thing to do, and that I chose something I liked versus choosing something on the spot because I had to.

Honestly, I feel like I have a pretty good handle on the wedding planning thing. Even before I was engaged, I’ve watched plenty of bridal shows, poked around on websites and in magazines, and of course, I’ve known other brides. But, nobody is perfect, and shockingly enough, recent wedding checklists have made me aware of things I didn’t know. So, other experienced brides, help me out?

• Establish welcome packages for out-of-town guests. Like I said last time, I knew I was supposed to block off hotel rooms. Looking into airfare and cars for them was news to me. So is this. Are welcome bags/baskets whatever a new trend? I think they’re a nice gesture, but they aren’t affordable for everyone, and honestly, I just don’t remember ever hearing about them until recently. They’re on the majority of the checklists I’ve read, some of which claim that this is mandatory etiquette. Really? None of my friends who wed recently did these for their guests. S my question is: brides – did you do these? If so, what did you include? And how many people feel this is mandatory, or is it just the industry trying to make a few more bucks?
• Pay the officiant. OK, obviously I know the officiant gets paid…the question is how much? Some churches have a fixed fee, and obviously a justice of the peace does, but my church (and the church of many brides I know) left the “donation” up to the couple. I just struggle with this because I don’t see how you can put a price tag on somebody’s help. What is appropriate? For brides who don’t think it’s too taboo to talk money, I’d love to hear the price range out there. Our pastor is doing the wedding and also our pre-marital counseling.
• Discuss the attendant’s duties. I’ve shied away from this one because to me, it just screams “bridezilla!” I’ve heard of everything from bridesmaid’s contracts to brides pretty much making their bridesmaids slaves before the wedding (clean my living room, Cinderella! The guests will be here soon…). Like I said in an earlier post, my bridesmaids are my friends and I want to treat them as such. They are also all in different states so many won’t be around until the week of the wedding. I don’t want to boss them around, but I also want the helper types to feel useful. What are some light duties that would make the girls feel helpful but not stress them out? And what is a fun way to present them?

What a weekend! It’s been frustrating to constantly be asked, “how is the wedding planning coming?” and having to answer “not very far.” This semester is a busy one and doesn’t leave a lot of room for planning. Nonetheless, this weekend I bought Sean’s wedding band, we booked our honeymoon, and it looks like we found a photographer.

 

Nonetheless, it’s still always good to take a minute to assess your planning progress to see that you’re on task. It’s exciting to buy that dream dress the day after you get engaged, but don’t forget more immediate needs: do you know your budget, or did you just spend it all on that dress? Whoops.

 

Every issue of What’s Up? Weddings features a handy-dandy pull-out, countdown checklist to help you ensure that you’re on top of things. For example, I’m in the “8-9 months before” phase right now. Here’s some of what I should have done or should be working on:

• Establish a gift registry. – Done! Sean and I were in a shopping mood a few months ago, so we set our registries up. We still keep our eyes peeled for ideas, and I can always make modifications online. We also set up a honeymoon registry when we booked the honeymoon.
• Confirm orders and delivery dates for your wedding attire – Glad I had this reminder! I ordered my dress in July and just assumed they’d call when the dress came in since I have time. It’s good for me to call them and get an ETA however.
• Establish a system for keeping track of gifts, invitations, and thank you notes – see my last post; I love the internet!
• Research wedding ring styles – Sean and I have popped into jewelry stores off and on since the engagement to get ideas. I just got his, which is nice…now we just need to choose mine, but we have it narrowed down to a few styles.
• Research airline, hotel, and rental-car reservations for guests – yikes! I knew I was supposed to book a block of hotel rooms, but I didn’t realize I needed to look into their flight and car info as well. Any brides have thoughts on this one? I always figured guests took care of this.

 

That’s just a few for the month, but it keeps me focused. It’s fun to do things like the honeymoon, but it’s important to stay on track, too. Like that guest list I should have finished months ago – I’ve barely started on it. Whoops.

The internet is an awesome resource for just about any aspect of wedding planning. You can search for dresses, venues, vendors with the click of a mouse! In addition to that, you can get advice, feedback, and support from other brides who are going through or have been through the same thing as you.

 I like to think of the internet as a large, free bridal expo. You can go to multiple sites of vendors - say florists, and compare prices without the hassle of giving them your info and having to deal with their sales pitches. Or, you can visit larger websites which have done the job for you, and view all the info side-by-side.

In addition to businesses, the internet can be of personal help. Sean bought a new car in February, and is constantly on a forum talking to fellow mazda owners. I didn't get what the big deal was, but as a bride, I can pretty much do the same thing. Message boards are a great way to get money-saving tips, advice, or feedback from other brides. I've seen brides show photos of their dresses along with various pictures of necklaces asking which would look best, and I've seen brides ask for advice or just vent on personal matters, such as in-law drama. Some brides also use forums for a trend starting to be known as "bride share," where brides will split the cost to buy one item for both of their weddings, or for some generous brides, they will offer to share items left from the wedding they no longer need.

Let's not forget the ever popular personal wedding webpage. Many sites offer you the opportunity to make a personal page sharing photos of you and your fiance, information on the ceremony and area, and even links to your wedding registry (which can also be done online if your fiance can't be dragged to the store to scan the items you want!). Again, these are free and can connect you with friends and family in all locations.

I feel like I get asked daily, "how is the planning going?" Since I'm back in school, it isn't going far. I have classes all day then I have a job...so getting out to plan is tough. However, when I do have a few moments, the internet goes a long way. I recently used it to research honeymoon resorts, and, when Sean and I found one we liked, used communication via the internet to get quotes and advice from travel agents - without setting foot in any of their offices!

I know I've talked about bridal shows before, but having attended my third one this past weekend, I wanted to share my thoughts on each. If shows aren't your thing, it's good to attend just one anyway, so let me help you save your time and/or money with these thoughts:

 

Growing up, I heard commercials on the radio frequently for the Washington Bridal Expo. It was as commonplace for me as the annual Running of the Brides event. Needless to say, I was thrilled when a vendor had free tickets to the show and offered 2 to Sean and I (tickets normally run $8-10).

Unfortunately, the thrills end there.

The show was at Martin's Crosswinds in Greenbelt (there was also a Northern Virginia show earlier). The venue was large, and lovely, but space was not utilized well at all. Despite all the room that was offered, vendor booths were crammed into 4 rows. Attendance was not terribly high, but since everything was so close together, Sean and I found ourselves frequently squeezing through crowds to get from one booth to the next.

One lesson I learned from the last 2 shows we had attended was not to eat before coming. Both shows before the WBS offered champagne and Hours D'oeurves aplenty. While there was food at this show, it was placed in one of the vendor booths instead of in a separate, spread out area. The line was long, and didn't appear to move after spending several minutes waiting. By the end of the show, I was a grumpy, hungry girl.

The fashion shows at WBS could be good or bad depending on your attention span and whether you have a dress or not. Instead of a show from one boutique, there were 3. It took a long time, and the last show had pre-recorded narraration that played way too loud.

While the booths were helpful, This show was our least favorite of the three.

The other two shows Sean and I attended were a complimentary show at the Crofton Country Club, and The What's Up? Expo. I visited both before I came to work for What's Up?, so don't think I'm getting paid to say this when I say that the What's Up? Expo really set the bar.

I had never been to a show before and I was very impressed. Check in was uncrowded, the lobby area was welcoming with a quartet playing and food and beverage stations were also there, apart from the show in the ballroom. In the ballroom, servers walked around with trays offering additional food and champagne.

The booths were set up in a more open type of layout, so it did not feel crowded. It was easy to get from booth to booth to talk to vendors.

Before the fashion show, What's Up? hosted a Q&A session for the audience with local wedding experts, a touch which did not happen at any other show I've attended. Then, the fashion show commenced, with just one boutique. While it's nice to see more dresses, the show tends to get old when you have as many as three. For all this, the admission ($8-10, same as WBS and most bridal shows) was well worth it!

The Crofton show was free and was similar to the What's Up? Show, but on a much smaller scale. The space was utilized well, but there were fewer vendors, meaning fewer opportunities to win! The same boutique offered a fashion show, and as I mentioned before, there was no Q&A. Many vendors present at What's Up? were also present here, but again, the show was much smaller.

So, if you're going to go to a show, here's my order of preference:

1. What's Up? Expo (coming to Annapolis January 10 at the Doubletree!)

2. Other smaller shows such as the one at Crofton Country Club

3. Washington Bridal Showcase (don't believe all the hype...in my opinion, it wasn't worth attending)

I've seen and heard some awful things when it comes to a bride(zilla)'s treatment of her bridesmaids. On a morning radio show, a DJ read a "bridesmaid's contract" issued by a friend of his wife's to her bridesmaids. In addition to the nitpicky "buy x dress by x date and use x brand polish for 3 months so you have long nails," this bride proceeded to call out 2 bridesmaids in the contract which she sent as a mass message to all the girls, telling them that they had to lose a discussed amount of weight in order to participate. She also told them they could not get willingly pregnant before her big day.

So my question is, did she hire her bridesmaids? I mean really, what's with the contract? Maybe it's just me, but I grew up under the impression that you chose people you were close to to be bridesmaids...you know, like friends and sisters? As a non-bridezilla, I get that the planning can be stressful, but treat your bridesmaids like the friends they are. Just be kind.

Who can forget the movie 27 dresses? It's true a lot of brides don't want to get upstaged on their big day, but do you really want hideous dresses ruining the pictures? There's lots of ways around this, and again, be considerate to your bridesmaids.

 I've been a Maid of Honor twice, and I respect both girls for choosing dresses they liked while keeping in mind the body types of the girls in their weddings. Both chose A-line styles in the colors they liked that looked decent on everybody in the wedding party. Another trend for brides who can tolerate giving up some control is giving the girls a set color or style, then sending them to the store and saying "have at it!" It may be worth it, just to avoid complaints.

It's good to keep costs in mind, too. I was asked to be in a friend's October wedding, and ultimately had to say no when she chose a dress with a price tag over $200. Yes, they're expensive, and yes, your dress cost way more, but being a bridesmaid is an expensive role to play considering the attire, hair, nails, gifts, showers, etc. Be considerate of your friends.

 

While looking online for a dress for my girls, I saw a pic I really liked- the waistline makes it good for any size chest, and it comes with optional spaghetti straps, which the girls can opt to use if they feel more comfortable. it was in the color and general style that I wanted. I was then both thrilled and worried when I saw that the dress was discontinued - but also on sale for less than $100. I talked to my girls and let them know that a great deal was available but they had to buy the dress immediately if they wanted to take advantage of it - everyone or noone. They jumped on it, ordered, and are happy with the dresses. So am I. A win for everyone!

When Sean and I are feeling silly (which can be pretty often), we sometimes like to play a game where we try to come up with the most inappropriate song possible for our first dance. This all started because we saw a list of most popular wedding songs at a bridal show that included "My Humps" by the Black Eyed Peas. Yeah, it's a fun song, but for a wedding?

Well, wedding music is becoming fun, and that's a good thing for couples like Sean and I, but where do you draw the line? How do you please everyone while staying true to your own tastes? My parents' next-door neighbor is a part-time DJ and while talking to him about the wedding, he brought up an interesting point - someone always complains about the "older" music played at weddings - electric slide, anyone? But think about it - a good number of your guests are generally older, and if you want audience participation on the dance floor, you need to cater to their tastes...at least for a couple of songs. Get them moving, then get everyone else in! There's still plenty of room in the playlist for your selections. And of course, selections for first dance, father-daughter, etc., are all yours. Now, how to pick those without being cliche (a common anxiety of mine)? That's a whole different post.

Ceremony music is also beginning to become more unique. I was recently thinking that I don't really want the usual "here comes the bride" wedding march to play as I walk down the aisle. Will I offend anyone by doing so? Do people really notice? I need to start telling myself what people tell me when I worry about others - it's YOUR wedding! I've been to a couple weddings recently where the march wasn't played and they turned out beautifully; the most recent wedding took place at my church and the pianist played hymns and praise songs, and when the bride came down the aisle, a violin was added for a dramatic effect.

So, make your wedding YOUR wedding. Choose the music that suits you as a couple, that brings pleasant thoughts or memories. Don't worry about it being inappropriate unless you can see that it's OBVIOUSLY inappropriate (What's Your Fantasy by Ludacris, anyone?).

Did you know that Americans buy approximately fifty percent of the world’s diamond jewelry, and many of those pieces of jewelry are engagement rings?

With the great variety of diamonds available from a variety of sources, purchasing a lovely diamond ring can become a daunting task. What do you need to look for when selecting a diamond? Remember the four C’s—carat, clarity, color, and cut. Ask questions, listen, and examine carefully.

· You want to know the carat weight. One carat equals .2 grams. The greater the weight of an individual stone, the greater the value. Salespeople will sometimes combine the weight of all the diamonds in a piece of jewelry when describing it to a customer. This is misleading. Two carats of diamonds in a ring is not the same as a 2-carat diamond. Make certain you hear the difference.

· Clarity refers to the existence of inclusions, such as bits of non-diamond material, bubbles, blemishes, and scratches. While most of these inclusions should not be visible to the naked eye, they should be visible by studying the stone under a 10X magnifying loupe. The fewer inclusions, the more brilliant the stone, adding value.

· Unless you specifically intend to purchase a blue or pink diamond (they do exist), you are looking for a diamond as colorless as possible, because that will enable more light to pass through your gem. The Gemological Institute of America developed a diamond color grading system in the 1950s. It starts with D and continues to Z. D, E, and F are colorless diamonds, while S through Z have light color. When you look at a diamond in a setting, the color of the metal (yellow gold vs. white gold) influences the way the color appears to your eye. To be properly graded, the diamond needs to be taken out of its setting.

· The cut of a diamond refers to its reflective qualities. The cut is described as Ideal, Premium, Very Good, Good, Fair, or Poor.

Always view your prospective diamond purchase on a white background, which will reflect its true qualities. A black background will make it appear more brilliant. Ask to view the diamond under magnification.

My fiance enjoyed making fun of that phrase, but we all know that picking out the right ring is a pretty big deal. "Rock shopping," as I called it, was the first indicator of how picky I can be. I suprised even myself, because my taste is so simple. But, just like fashion, jewelry trends are somewhat pre-dictated, and simple just isn't in right now.

I knew I wanted a different cut diamond. I didn't want a round because I felt like everybody had one; the princess looked bad on my finger; the oval was too similar to round; and I just didn't find the marquis to be attractive. My favorite cuts that we searched for also proved to be the most difficult to find, especially in a simple but not boring setting. We visited every jeweler in Annapolis Mall and a few surrounding stores in search of rings in emerald, radiant, or cushion cut. Only a few carried any of these, and none had the setting I had in mind. I didn't want Sean to spend a lot of money custom-making a ring either, so in the end, we chose a beautiful radiant cut solitaire.

I thought that since I chose a solitaire, finding a band would be a piece of cake. Anything goes with a solitaire, right?

Wrong.

 It turns out a lot of bands don't line up well with radiant-cut solitaires. And again, I am picky, so most wraps are out as are channel-set bands. I was hoping to find a celtic setting for one of the two rings in honor of our Irish heritage, but most jewelers don't offer a lot in that department (if anything).

So, the hunt is on again. I should mention that my fiance is just as picky now which I find humorous. I thought finding him a band would be a one-stop shop since he has pretty simple taste as well. Nope. We both have things in mind that the stores don't have in stock.

Wish us luck, and let us know which (affordable) jewelers you have found luck with - as well as any Irish stores that would carry them since our favorite one in Annapolis closed its doors!