You might’ve heard the expression “Misery loves company.” If we’re being pessimistic, we might interpret this to mean that people going through misery love to make life miserable for other people. But if we think about the expression a little more graciously, it could mean that people going through misery actually take comfort in knowing there are other people out there going through similar experiences. Having this type of company, as it turns out, is healthy. And it can actually be healing!
This type of relationship is known as peer support, and it’s defined by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration as any kind of activities or interactions between people with the same experiences who can help one another on the path to recovery. Sometimes it could be a one-on-one relationship between two people, or it could be in a group setting. Peer support can help you work through a traumatic experience, a mental illness, or substance use.
Some people prefer one-on-one peer support while others prefer a group setting. In fact, you’ve probably heard of prominent peer support groups that have chapters all across the country, such as Alcoholics Anonymous or the National Alliance on Mental Illness. Many community centers or houses of worship can connect you with groups, or you can use online networks such as Group Peer Support (grouppeersupport.org) or HeyPeers (heypeers.com).
While these kinds of relationships aren’t a replacement for working with a mental health professional, they can be just as valuable and can offer different benefits such as:
- You feel less alone and have a chance to unlearn any stigma associated with what you’re going through
- You can receive support from people who have gone through what you’re going through and can offer effective coping strategies or helpful perspectives
- You have an environment that is free from judgment or dismissiveness, making it easier for you to open up about your thoughts or feelings
- You can find access to the resources you need, including professional help, often from people who can give honest recommendations based on effectiveness and value
Don’t call it “trauma bonding”: Psychology Today notes that some people may colloquially refer to peer support as “trauma bonding,” but they’re not the same thing. Although peer support usually involves bonding with others over shared trauma, trauma bonding is a formal term describing the emotional attachment developed in an abusive relationship where the victim feels bonded to their abuser. As with other situations where psychology language is used casually, referring to peer support with this term can disparage the experience of someone who has experienced real trauma bonding.
