Everyone is supposed to be happy around the holidays, right?
Unfortunately, that isn’t the case for everyone. Reasons vary, but the reality is that the holiday season can be a very unhappy time for many people.
They could be struggling with the loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, the loss of a job or even a bad health diagnosis. Others might simply feel lonely or isolated at a time when they wish they could be especially connected with their loved ones. Then there are those who might simply feel overwhelmed by the holiday stress.
These negative feelings are often described by psychologists as the holiday blues. If you feel this way, you’re not alone. And while short-term mental health issues aren’t the same as chronic ones, you should still take them seriously. Furthermore, according to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), 64 percent of people who struggle with anxiety or depression say the holidays exacerbate their conditions.
One important misconception to dispel is the notion that the suicide rate is higher around the holidays. While mental health can be at risk in December, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention actually reports data that suicide rates are historically low during this time of the year.
Additionally, a study published in December 2018 by the Annenberg Public Policy Center of the University of Pennsylvania noted that two-thirds of media stories mentioning the holidays and suicide drew a false connection between the two. For those who struggle with suicidal ideology, this misconception poses a huge risk by making suicide look more attractive.
If you find yourself in a crisis during the holiday season, you should seek help from a credible service such as the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s national helpline at 1-800-662-HELP or the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.
But if you’re simply feeling sad, lonely, stressed or anxious, there are adjustments you can make to your traditions that will help you get through December without any added strife. Here are some tips to keep in mind:
1. Avoid media depictions of the holidays. This one will be difficult, but for some people, it’s the only way to maintain their sanity. Everywhere you turn during the holiday season, you’re being confronted with festive images. Even Facebook and Instagram are a constant barrage of pictures and posts about gift lists, tree decorating, baking and more.
The problem with this is that it reinforces the notion of what the holidays are “supposed to look like.” If your season doesn’t fit this cookie-cutter image, you might feel even more left out. Remember that the holidays are not a one-size-fits-all thing, and avoid any representation that leads you to believe otherwise. On that same note…
2. Participate in non-holiday-related activities. Sometimes it seems as if everyone wants to binge-watch Rudolph and Frosty on TV, listen to carols on the radio and work on holiday crafts. That’s great if you enjoy those activities. But you could have just as much fun spending time with friends or family members doing things that don’t constantly remind you it’s the so-called most wonderful time of the year.
Instead, watch a comedy to lift your spirits and distract you from stressors. Put on rock ‘n’ roll or pop music to boost your mood. Play a board game to engage your mind. These activities will let you enjoy the company of others without triggering unwanted thoughts about the holidays.
3. Don’t let revelry take you out of your healthy habits. The best way to maintain your mental health is to stick with your routine as much as you possibly can. Avoid things like dietary swings, skipping your workout, excessive drinking or lack of sleep. Make taking care of yourself a priority.
However, if you want to engage in some non-routine revelry, that’s perfectly okay. Avoid any stress related to this by reminding yourself this is a once-in-a-great-while circumstance and you’ll get right back to taking care of yourself tomorrow. Having a cookie, enjoying a glass of wine, staying out past your bedtime or ditching the gym for some gift shopping are perfectly acceptable and shouldn’t be sources of strife or guilt.
4. Recognize social anxiety. Being in social settings can be overwhelming, especially if you’re not in an ideal place mentally or emotionally in your life. Rather than avoiding holiday social events, go into them prepared. Rehearse an answer ahead of time for when people ask about your relationship status or career path. For example, you can say, “I’m currently looking for new employment opportunities. Let’s talk professional development later if you’re interested—for tonight, I’m more interested in socializing and having fun.”
Additionally, be prepared to politely turn down any indulgences you don’t want. If someone tries to force food or alcohol on you, tell them, “It sounds delicious, but I’m fine for right now. I’ll let you know later if I want some.”
5. Celebrate differently. Don’t be afraid to start new holiday traditions that help fit a different perspective. If you can’t spend time with loved ones on the holiday itself, there’s nothing wrong with observing it on a different day. If you are exhausted by the thought of shopping and decorating, commit to a downsized version of the holiday. You might even choose to volunteer instead of party or donate instead of buying gifts. These traditions will remove the stress and help you re-focus on what’s important.
