Don’t Like This - Social media use takes a toll on teenagers—but you can keep it under control
Every parent wants their kid to be healthy—not just physically but also mentally and emotionally. Unfortunately, one of the bigger threats to their mental-emotional health might be something that is constantly in their life. It’s their phone, and the access it provides to social media.
Now, it’s important not to demonize social media, according to Dorian Johnson, a public health educator specializing in adolescent health. In fact, it’s on social media that Johnson shares insight for parents under the handle @thephuncle on Instagram and TikTok. And he knows social media can have its benefits for teens.
“Social media isn’t inherently evil,” he says. “There are spaces and places that affirm ideas and celebrate talents and interests. Amplifying that is great, especially if they don’t have community that celebrates those interests in person.”
Socializing on an online platform can be fun—but as with an in-person social interaction, online social interaction be negative. Couple that with the fact that social media is often inescapable and its algorithms reward the content that gets the biggest reactions (more on those points in just a second) and you’ve got an environment that sets kids up for all kinds of mental health problems.
If you’re trying to understand why social media can be so harmful for a young person, here are four crucial points to keep in mind:
Teen brains are still forming. The prefrontal cortex, which handles everything from judgement to emotional regulation, doesn’t fully mature until a person is in their mid-20s. A teen’s dopamine reward system is also highly sensitive, so they thrive off little rushes of excitement that adults wouldn’t care as much about.
Now consider how social media works:
- Likes, views, and comments trigger dopamine spikes similar to gambling
- Those likes, views, and comments are often unpredictable and out of your control—but still highly addictive
- This creates an impulsive desire to seek those dopamine spikes, even in the form of constant checking, which teens are neurologically less able to self-regulate
Social media is often built for social comparison. Most adults can remember the pressure of trying to fit in when they were teenagers, constantly asking themselves, “How do I rank socially? Am I cool enough?” Social media forces them to be ranking themselves 24/7. Their algorithms feed them a distorted reality of people who are attractive, popular, successful, and wealthy. Teens start to compare themselves to the people they see on social media, which can lead to: Anxiety, Depression, Body dysmorphia, Perfectionism.
Added to all this: They base their self-worth on the engagement they receive on social media. They see what they post as an extension of themselves—if their friends don’t like their photo or their video, it’s seen as a reflection that their friends don’t like them.
“Social media is more nuanced for teens than adults. There’s pressures and dramas,” Johnson says. “Some posts are deeper than posts. Streaks? Commenting on others posts when you said you wouldn’t? Not tagging someone but tagging others in a photo? These are concerns and they can harm feelings of self-worth.”
Their ability to form their identity is outsourced to others. Adolescence is a time for young people to figure out who they are—this often requires making mistakes, changing their minds, or trying something new. A digital environment is one where they’re constantly on display and being scrutinized.
“Social media has created environments where the mistake of one person is now shared with many others,” says Kevin Greene, a psychotherapist who works with teenagers. “For example, a 14-year-old might say something online in a group chat that gets them in trouble, whereas in the past it would have been in a small group of friends in person. Because it is online, it likely was sent to a lot of people and can easily be shared. What has unfortunately become common are arguments between two people becoming an issue for an entire friend group, leading to too much toxicity.”
How to Make Social Media Work
Remember though: Social media isn’t all bad. It’s all in how it’s being used—and it’s completely possible for young people to use social media in a way that’s productive and healthy. It’s why many people, teens included, continue to use it.
“I think using it to share news and experiences, and to communicate is fine and the proper purpose for social media,” Greene says. “I have met with teens who would give up their accounts if it didn’t mean being left out of plans for things.”
Consider these tips for helping teens develop a relationship with social media that’s good for their mental and emotional health:
1. Wait until they’re a little bit older. Every parent has to make the decision for themselves when is an appropriate age for their kid to access social media, but most experts agree 14 is the absolute youngest. By the time they’re in high school, they’ll have had a chance to form their identity and learn to regulate their emotions.
2. Focus on rules, not lectures. Lecturing your teen about the detriments of social media rids them of the autonomy they seek at this age, which can make it even harder for you to discourage use. Instead, give them structure, such as phone-free bedrooms at night, time limits on pointless scrolling, and tech-free meals or homework sessions.
3. Explain the algorithm to them. When teens use social media, they should understand that the content they’re being shown isn’t random and neutral. Content that makes people feel angry or insecure tends to have better engagement. When they understand this, they’re less likely to draw comparisons (“Why don’t I look like that?” or “That’s not what I think!”) and possibly less likely to be interested in what they’re seeing (“It’s all just rage bait.”).
4. Encourage offline sources of self-worth. The best diversion to social media is a fulfilling life offline. When they’re enjoying themselves in the real world, they’ll be less likely to spend mindless time on socials. And when they do log onto social media, it won’t be their only perception of the world. They’ll have a better perception of their own self-worth thanks to sports, music, art, work, volunteering, and in-person friendships.
Don’t Expect the Social Media Companies to Parent for You
You might have heard some buzz that social media companies want to put guardrails in place to keep young users safe, either because of legislation or moral obligation.
But is there anything significant social media companies can actually do? “I personally don’t believe so, and things can be so much better for youth and we shouldn’t have to wait for things to get worse for it to happen,” Johnson says “Instagram Teen versions exist, but I’m not clear on how it works in practice. If anything, it does shift from blaming teens from being on social media too much to a bigger issue for tech and apps to do better.”
Greene is an emphatic no, pointing to the assessment that a user’s well-being will never be the priority for these social media platforms. “The companies want to get as much information about their users as they can to help with ads and new products to generate revenues. Their core interests are not aligned with safeguards.”
