If you’ve ever imagined that you have an evil twin or a “dark side” to you…well, you actually might be onto something. It’s not necessarily a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde kind of thing, but from a mental health perspective, you do have what’s commonly known as your “shadow,” a part of your psyche that you subconsciously reject.
But is rejecting this part of yourself really the best practice? Mental health experts say it isn’t—which explains why shadow work is becoming increasingly popular, teaching people how to explore the worse parts of their psyche so they can work toward self-improvement.
We All Have a Shadow
The idea of our mental shadow goes back to renowned psychologist Carl Jung, who talked about the idea that everyone had an “inner shadow” and “shadow self.” This dark emotional part of your psyche is often the result of negative experiences that have made you work against yourself. For example, maybe as a child, you were scolded for needing extra attention. This caused you to internalize a sense of shame around being dependent, so you have subconsciously trained yourself to be hyper-independent. Similarly, if you’re forthright but perceived too often as bossy, it might give you a complex where you dislike that aspect of yourself.
A shadow is often the result of much negative self-talk. It can lead to feelings of anxiety and depression, and it can often be a hindrance in personal and professional relationships.
Why Acknowledge Your Shadow?
The good news is that acknowledging your shadow and seeking to understand it can help make you a stronger person, mentally and emotionally. This is part of your psyche and continuing to suppress it could make your problem even worse, particularly if you start projecting your dislike of this quality onto others.
Think back to the example of your shadow as your dislike of dependence. When you see somebody has a need for support or affirmation, it can make you angry or resentful. By addressing the reason, you dislike these qualities, you can develop not only a better sense of self but also more empathetic feelings toward others.
Shadow Work
There are plenty of reasons to do shadow work. You’ll gain more confidence, improve your self-esteem, and enjoy more mental clarity. It will also make you more compassionate and better equipped to relate to people. All these mental, emotional, and social benefits will likely improve your physical health as well.
Some people tackle shadow work with the help of a licensed therapist who can help them explore these parts of their psyche. But if you’re not ready for professional assistance, or you just want to take some small steps on your own, there are exercises you can try:
- Start by thinking of somebody who annoys or upsets you. Ask yourself what you don’t like about that person. Get specific. Now ask yourself whether you perceive yourself as having any of those traits, or how you would feel about yourself if you did have those traits. This exercise might be difficult the first time you try it, but your sense of self-awareness will improve with time.
- Draw an extensive family tree, including everyone from your family that you would describe yourself as having a personal relationship with. Include parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. List one positive quality and one negative quality about each person in your family. Ask yourself whether those traits, both positive and negative, exist in you. If those traits do exist, how do you feel about them when you know it’s you who has them?
- When you are feeling negative emotions, such as fear or anger, pay attention to what triggered you. Write it down as a simple cause and effect: For example, somebody made a rude comment about your appearance, and it made you sad. Keep a list of causes and effects every time you are feeling negative emotions, and watch for patterns from day to day or from week to week. Pay attention to what negative emotions you deal with most frequently, and what is likely to trigger those emotions.
