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I have a solution for the first problem. The second one, I wish I had a solution. Other than calling, e-mailing, and Facebooking the non-responsive attendees, there's not much you can do to force someone to send back a card (even if it is pre-addressed and stamped for their convenience).
Before I designed my invitations, I had heard about ides having problems with RSVP cards. Even though there's clearly a spot for writing your name on the card, apparently people often overlook it. In fact, the very first RSVP we received did not have a name on it (One of my good friends was so excited to return the RSVP that she just checked a box and put it immediately back into the mail).
The solution: Number your RSVPs and keep a list of names that correspond to your numbers. It's so simple, but will save so much hassle in the future. Some ides prefer to use a sort of invisible ink so the number isn't available -- I decided that was too much and just wrote the number in very small print in the bottom corner. So, when my friend forgot to write her name, my father saw it was RSVP number 53 and knew exactly who it belonged to.
Another RSVP tip -- I designed postcards as RSVPs instead of regular cards. This not only removed the expense of an extra envelope, but also cut down on postage costs. I uploaded my own design -- front and back -- to Vistaprint.com and ordered from there.
As for the guests who forget to RSVP ... well, start making those phone calls!
