One of the trickiest aspects of wedding planning is deciding on a budget, especially when there is a question of who might be footing the bill. Modern couples are different than their forebears, in that they often fund the festivities themselves. But that doesn’t mean traditional notions of who pays for what are eschewed by everyone. And therein, lies the rub. There is no definitive answer for how costs should be divvied up. You’re better off letting go of expectations and initiating a conversation with the involved parties head-on.
Craft a vision
Before you broach the subject with your parents, talk to your fiancé about the type of wedding you would like to have and what it might cost. Consider how much money you can afford to contribute as a couple, so you can set a realistic budget before you share your vision with others.
Schedule a time to talk with your parents
Give your parents a heads-up that you’re interested in discussing wedding finances, so they have plenty of time to prepare for the conversation and assess what they are able to contribute. You can open the discussion by sharing your plans and any research you’ve conducted, but don’t act as if you’re entitled to a specific amount. Here are some questions you can ask to get the conversation started:
Do you want to help with the costs of our wedding?
How much money would you like to contribute?
How involved do you want to be in the planning?
Do you have any expectations about how this money will be spent?
Try to land on a specific number
Some parents won’t want to give a straight answer, for fear of disappointing their children. But it’s important to encourage your parents to be explicit. Vague responses like “We’ll make it work” will only cause undue stress as it’s impossible to make decisions without knowing the exact amount you’re receiving.
Express your gratitude
If others are helping you to fund your special day, it’s important to keep them in the loop on major decisions. Don’t forget to say thank you, no matter how big or small the contribution is.
Steer clear of comparing
Finances are already a stressful topic, so don’t make it worse by discussing how much each side is giving and inciting a guilt trip. Unless you have an extremely intimate relationship with your in-laws, it’s a good idea to ask your significant other to talk to his or her parents alone. That way, nobody feels embarrassed about what they can or cannot give.
